The Grass is Greener Syndrome where things are better "over there" sounds favorable until you realize that when you go there you take you with you. If you want something to change, you must first change yourself. This means opening the possibilities from within.
As an example, my daughter, Shoshanna, is an expert with the Grass is Greener Syndrome. She has spent her life thinking, "If only…then I'll be happy." If only I go to a different school, then I'll be happy. If only I travel abroad and volunteer at an orphanage, then I'll be happy. If only I live far away from home, then I'll be happy. If only I live close to home, then I'll be happy. If only…. You get the idea.
At 22, she is finally realizing that the only thing consistent in all her choices is herself. So this past summer, she agreed to make some changes in her thinking. Five simple exercises have had a profound effect on her feelings about herself, raised her self-esteem and enabled her to accept herself on a new level. She is happier in general.
Notice the Good. Every day she wrote three good things in her life that happened in the past 24 hours. This actually helped her realize that there is good around her. It also gave energy to the good instead of the bad. The result was that she attracted more good into her life.
Write a Daily Gratitude Letter. Every day she wrote a thank you letter to someone. It didn't matter to whom. It didn't even matter if she sent it. What did matter was that she felt grateful for something. She could write a letter to the waiter at the restaurant for the good service. Or she could write one to her grandfather thanking him for noticing the improvements she was making. It was a daily reminder that there are things to be grateful for even if things weren't going right. The more she felt grateful, the more things came into her life to be grateful about.
Allow Possibilities. It is important to think different thoughts if you want different outcomes. One easy way of doing this is to ask yourself, "Could I allow the possibility of…." Then answer with a resounding YES! This tells you (and the Universe) that you can allow something different.
This simple question can be asked over and over with whatever possibilities you think of in the moment. If you allow all ideas to flow, you will find thoughts you didn't know you were thinking as well as be led to new possibilities. This method is truly picking your brain.
For example, she has trouble making friends. So, we looked at the possibilities involved with making friends. After doing this, she actually had two new friends come into her life. Here is how it can work…
Could I allow the possibility of having friends? YES!
Could I allow the possibility that friends can come to me and I don't have to go searching for them? YES!
Could I allow the possibility that I will be able to be myself with these new friends? YES!
Could I allow the possibility of people liking me? YES!
Could I allow the possibility of being a good friend? YES!
The questions went on and on until she felt comfortable with them and the idea of having friends. This is a simple exercise to help shift to something new.
Balance the energy. Our thoughts have feelings attached. Sometimes the feelings make sense. But many times, our feelings are out of sync with our thoughts. So, here is a simple method to balance the energy.
Pretend you have two opposing thoughts. Let's use the friend example from above. In one hand, you have the idea of lots of friends. In the other hand, you have the idea of zero friends.
Make the visuals vibrant by expanding on them. For the "lots of friends" hand, picture yourself in the center of attention with friends all around you laughing and having fun with you. For the "zero friends" hand, picture yourself outside the party looking in through a window.
Each scenario will have a feeling. The more detailed the picture, the more you will have feelings about them. One picture will literally make one hand feel heavier than the other.
In your imagination, move the energy from one hand to the other in the same way you would transfer a ball from your left to your right then back again. Keep doing this until the energy feels the same in both hands.
Each hand can hold logical opposites such as having friends or not. Or each hand can hold something nonsensical such as birthday cake and smelly fish. Keep doing it until the energy feels the same. This neutralizing will take the charge out of your feelings and allow better possibilities to come to you.
Have a Mentor or Supportive Partner. Shoshanna says having me to talk to and encourage her was very helpful. It could have been me (as a mom) spending time with her. But I think it had something to do with the fact that I'd been through it. I may not have started at the grass is greener point, but I did shift my thinking and feelings. So, I knew how to move from feeling not so good to feeling happy.
I wanted to make sure that this was a positive experience for both of us. So since we used to fight, I invited my mentor to join us. Together the three of us blazed a new trail, and she is happier today, than she has been in a very long time.
So, the next time you are looking for a different situation, look within yourself. Shift your thoughts and feelings. You will become a magnet for the greener grass and you won't have to go "over there." It will come to you.