DISCLAIMER....

DISCLAIMER: offer void where prohibited; no transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop; one size fits all; check here if tax deductible; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; we have sent the forms which seem right for you; keep away from fire or flames; no alcohol, dogs, or horses; do not bend, fold, spindle or mutilate; post office will not deliver without postage; colors may, in time, fade; edited for television; keep away from open flames; keep cool; satisfaction guaranteed; please adjust your dress before leaving; jokes may contain material some readers find objectionable; copyright (c) 1995, 1996, 1997; as seen on TV; shading within a garment may occur; prerecorded for this time zone; possible penalties for early withdrawal; booths for two or more; process promptly; don't quote me on that; all rights reserved; some equipment shown is optional; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use; substantial penalty for early withdrawal; some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only; no animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; first pull up, then pull down; falling rocks; sign here without admitting guilt; times approximate; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; packaged by weight, not volume: some settling may occur during shipping; joke offer is valid only at participating internet sites; keep out of reach of children; no solicitors; some assembly required; please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop; jokes were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; allow four to six weeks for delivery; avoid contact with skin; keep away from fire or flame; apply only to affected area; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; contains no artificial colors or ingredients; return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward; keep away from pets and small children; read at your own risk; jokes are guaranteed hilarious: we do not accept reponsibility for any failure on your part to appreciate the humor; action figures sold separately; add toner; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other acts of god, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; package sold by weight, not volume; see label for sequence; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a comedian; replace with same type; do not write below this line; be sure each item is properly endorsed; best if used before date on carton; do not disturb; if condition persists, consult your physician; no salt, msg, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; ask us about our guns-for-jokes trade-in plan; price does not include taxes; employees and their families are not eligible; for a limited time only while supplies last; no purchase necessary; simulated picture; reproduction strictly prohibited; not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform; do not exceed recommended dosage; do not remove this tag until sold for retail; contents may settle during shipment; joke contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; use only in a well-ventilated are; may be too intense for some viewers; equal opportunity joke employer; do not annoy the alligator; sanitized for your protection; call toll free number before digging; suggested serving; this supersedes all previous notices; any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental; use other side for additional listings; subject to change without notice; no postage necessary if mailed in the united states; smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; this humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; dry clean only; please remain seated until the jokes have come to a complete stop; batteries not included; at participating locations only; many suitcases look alike; no dogs; you need not be present to win; freshest if eaten before date on carton; all models are over 18 years of age; don't quote me on anything; no alcohol; use only in well-ventilated area; other restrictions may apply; not recommended for children; anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; may explode if recharged improperly; list was current at time of printing; further redistributions are only allowed unedited and in its entirety by electronic transfer (anonymous ftp, gopher, www and mail servers), storage media, and printed copy as long as this notice is included and no monetary fee is charged; no horses; processed at location stamped in code at top of carton; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; no other warranty expressed or implied; caveat emptor; not affiliated with the American Red Cross; ask about our specials; postage will be paid by addressee; UNIX is a registered trademark of AT&T; call before you dig; limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery; your mileage may vary; your canceled check is your receipt; record additional transactions on back of previous stub; no user-serviceable parts inside; contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show; this is not an offer to sell securities; this document is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the article or parts of it in commercial publications, or as part of any fee-based services or products; slightly higher west of the Mississippi; list at least two alternate dates; list each check separately by bank number; do not use when pregnant; drop in any mailbox; no passes accepted for this engagement; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement; user assumes full liabilities; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not stamp; lather, rinse, repeat; limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery; lost ticket pays maximum rate; no Canadian coins; sanitized and sealed for your protection; void where prohibited by law; no substitutions are allowed; if left parked for over 10 minutes, may be towed; slightly higher west of the rockies; for office use only; safety goggles may be required during use; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; no anchovies unless otherwise specified; slippery when wet; contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients; no money down; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; must be 18 to enter; this product is meant for educational purposes only; can reduce weight only as part of a calorie-controlled diet; for recreational use only; video surveillance in effect; place stamp here; jokes in the mirror may be funnier than they appear; restaurant package, not for resale; beware of dog; for external use only; may be too intense for some viewers; penalty for private use; objects in mirror may be closer than they appear; do not fold, spindle or mutilate; you must be present to win; use only as directed; jokes subject to change without notice; not intended for off-road use; for off-road use only; use only with proper ventilation; all models over 18 years of age; limit one-per-family please; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; opened for inspection; driver does not carry cash; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; approved for veterans;

If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.
http://www.nexlan.com/disclaimer.htm