Tuesday, February 14, 2012

3 Tips to Avoid a Valentine Day Disaster

couple fight 3 Tips to Avoid a Valentine Day DisasterWant to make certain your Valentine's Day goes off without a hitch?
Valentine's Day is bristling with pressure.  The burden to make everything just right, often leads to disaster. 
You see, all the build-up creates tension.  On the big day, this does not translate well or as desired.
A Valentine's Day disaster is incredibly unfortunate.  After all, this is the day we are supposed to be celebrating our love, not fighting about details or unmet expectations.  I want to save you from the regret, hurt feelings and awkward week that follows a bad Valentine's Day experience.

Advice for Avoiding a Valentine's Day Disaster

Let me be 100% honest.  I'm not the smoothest operator myself when it comes to romance and Valentine's Day.  Therefore, I've turned to some experts on marriage, relationships and sex to help us all avoid the pitfalls of love when the pressure is on.
Here are three tips to help you enjoy and relax on Valentine's Day:

1.  Please Check Your Expectations

Valentine's Day generates over-inflated expectations.  Disaster lurks behind these sky-high anticipations.  It is all a big set up that will come crashing down on your head if you don't come back down to earth.  Television, movies and magazines lead us to believe that everyone is so over-the-top romantic and perfect in all they do.
"The downside to expectations (the trap they set for us) is when they are not realistic and we use them to judge our sweeties or try to get them to be someone they are not," warns the Generous Wife speaking about Valentines Expectations.  "These are real people we are dealing with and, if we'll be honest, they are rather a whole 'nother animal. Let's love them for who they are and be clear (and realistic) about what we ask of them."
This advice is right on target for men and women.  All of us can get the wrong, hyper-inflated expectations in our heads.  Men might have completely different expectations than women when it comes to Valentine's, but both can be way off the mark and totally unrealistic. 
Save yourself from this trap.  Instead of holding onto impractical, exaggerated expectations, celebrate your love by focusing on one another instead of all the hype.  Discuss it beforehand – to be sure both parties have the same expectations – and agree on exactly how you should celebrate.

2.  Plan a Date that You Both Will Enjoy

Once you are sure your expectations are compatible, then together you can plan a date to celebrate your success as a couple.  Of course, this is often fraught with its own complications.
"Where do you want to go?"  Isn't this the dreaded question?  "I don't know wherever you want is fine," is usually the response around my house.  An enjoyable and relaxing Valentine's Day requires a plan.  It doesn't have to be complicated, but it should be preconceived and agreed upon to avoid a disaster.
Restaurants and other typical venues are generally cram packed on Valentine's Day.  Personally, I try to avoid these anyway because they are the standard and boring thing to do.  If you want a memorable night, then you want to get a little creative.
I'd recommend checking out the 20 Awesome Date Ideas for Free offered by Dustin at Engaged Marriage.  This is a nice little resource that can inspire you with some new ideas.
Going out is great, but don't lose sight of the real reason for the night.  It is all about celebrating your togetherness.  You don't have to fly to Paris and sip wine in front of the Eiffel Tower to enjoy yourself.  Often a private, low-key evening where you can focus on one another instead of fighting crowds will be just as special – assuming you plan it and see eye-to-eye on it.

3.  What If I'm Not in the Mood for You Know What?

One common expectation – especially for men, but sometimes for women as well – is that the day is going to end with a big performance in the bedroom.  But, what if you are simply not in the mood?  Does this mean that your day is doomed to disaster?  Not necessarily, if you deal with it.
First, if this is a common occurrence for you, I'd definitely recommend reading How to Have Great Sex When You're Not in the Mood over at Simple Marriage.  In it, you will find advice to help you get your mind straight about sex, deal with interferences, master your energy and start enjoying intimacy with your mate again.  Good stuff, right?
Also, if you know that your sweetheart is likely going to expect sex and you deeply want to please your valentine, then prepare for it.  Being in the mood has a lot to do with how you handle your thoughts and energy prior to the big evening.  Intentionally reserve some of yourself so you aren't too tired.  Listen to some of the greatest romantic songs to get in the mood.  Recall past favorable nights of physical intimacy to stoke your desire.  Mentally and physically build yourself up for it.
If you still think you cannot meet the expectation, then talk about it before the moment of truth.  Be honest with your partner and promise to make it up to them later.  Set a specific date and make commitments about what you will do for them to repay them for their patience.  This will likely buy you the time and understanding you need to avoid a disaster.

Have a Happy and Enjoyable Valentine's Day

As you've probably noticed, a big part of avoiding a Valentine's Day disaster is open and honest communication with your mate.  If you talk it out in advance, you can usually avoid a big letdown.  However, sometimes even the best laid plans end in adversity. 


  1. I hope you have a great valentines day too! Great tips. Not in a relationship atm but I will remember this when I am!

  2. I agree that open and honest communication makes everything better - no matter what the occasion!