Saturday, December 18, 2010

A Bulletproof Way To Build A Much Better You

Asking for help can be hard, especially if you’re used to doing things on your own. But inevitably life’s gonna hand you a situation that leaves you asking for help. We need others to live a rich, full life- and that includes asking others for help from time to time. If you want to build a better you, then the best thing to do is get a few others in on the job.

Why Asking For Help Is The SMART Thing To Do
Humans are relational beings, hard-wired for community and better together. Solitary confinement is the roughest sentence an inmate can get, yet many free, law-abiding citizens sentence themselves to solitary confinement daily by choosing isolation over living in community with others.
Intimacy is essential for a full life. In isolation, we can never meet our full potential, so we miss some of the greatest experiences in life.
Relationships develop in a predictable pattern.
  1. Form: Two people form a mutual acceptance of each other, set boundaries for the relationship, and determine how the relationship will develop; activities shared, frequency of time spent together, and memories made.
  2. Storm: Inevitably, a relational storm approaches; conflict, disagreements, disappointment. The friendship is thrown into question. Sadly, many relationships never survive past this stage.
  3. Norm: Once the storm has passed and trust is established, a deep mutual appreciation develops, and true intimacy begins to develop.
  4. Perform: At this stage, two people significantly influence each other, live in community through the sharing of experiences and living life together in a mostly (emotionally) transparent state. They experience a synergy of relationship and an understanding of intimacy. During this stage, they are know and are known, love and are loved, celebrate and are celebrated.
Asking for help can be a part of any of these stages, or it can serve as a sea that carries you from one of life’s islands to the next. If you ask a friend for help and they let you down, your relationship is likely to regress to the previous stage. If they earn your trust, intimacy will deepen and your relationship will build toward the next higher step.
Asking for help:
  • Facilitates developing a habit of living a genuine life with emotional transparency with others.
  • Is crucial for developing true intimacy.
  • Allows others to minister to you, serve you, and contributes positively to the building of a healthy relationship.
How You Can Ask for Help, Starting Today
Asking for help can seem daunting, especially if it’s a new experience. It is best to approach someone you know and trust when asking for help if you expect to forge strong relationships and enrich your life. If your goal is simply to garner support for a task you’re unable to do on your own, you may find it is easier to ask a complete stranger for help or pay a professional to assist you.
If you’re nervous about asking for help, be honest. Explain that you normally do not ask for help, and are feeling awkward about doing so now. Explain your situation, how you are feeling, and be specific about what you need. The majority of people will fulfill all or part of your request if they are capable. If you get a “No,” politely thank the person and don’t get discouraged from asking someone else for help.

Asking for help is admitting you’re like everyone else on Earth – fallible, imperfect, and in need of others. Don’t let your pride or fear keep you from developing closer relationships with others, getting the help you need, or living the life that you deserve to live.


  1. You just helped me being someone better and I didn't even ask! How kind :)

  2. I'm already the best me out there! D:

  3. That quote is so true!

  4. Soem food for thought

  5. It's always great to sit down and have a DMC with a good listener!

  6. I've been in isolation for a long time, and I think it's really changed me... I now crave the reality now, not the substitutes. This fake world we live in, where relationships mean nothing... It all becomes so easy once you deprave yourself of the real. I want help now, need it, understand it...