"Just as war is freedom's cost, disagreement is freedom's privilege.” - Bill Clinton (American 42nd US President)
1.Acknowledge your negative emotions. The first thing that both you and your partner should do is acknowledge whatever negative emotions you are harboring against the other, but don’t say anything just yet. If you are angry at your partner for something he or she has done, then be honest with yourself. Remember that it is alright to feel angry or hurt. Don’t pretend you are okay when you are not because this will only complicate things later on.
2.Allow each other to cool down and think of what to say. When both of you have acknowledged your anger and dissatisfaction, it is normal to feel the need to verbally vent out your frustration and start pointing out faults. However, always hold your tongue and make it a point to be tactful. But, this can be rather tricky, especially in such an emotional situation. If you find it difficult to express your thoughts constructively, then pause for a while and allow each other to cool down and think of what to say.
3.Express your grievances constructively. It is important that you are able to relay your thoughts and grievances. Be honest with your partner and tell him or her what you really want to say, but in a tactful and constructive way. Expressing yourself constructively means avoiding hurting or sarcastic comments that will only aggravate the situation. Do not bring up past mistakes or issues that are not related to the current problem. Remember that the fight is meant to be a medium for you to resolve your problems and not a way to get even or hurt your partner.
4.Take turns listening. Always keep in mind that fighting fairly means allowing each other equal opportunities to express yourselves. Before you speak, ask your partner to listen first and argue his or her side later. Do the same when it is your partner’s turn. Listen carefully to what he or she has to say and do not interrupt.
5.Allow the moment and issues to sink in
After you have explained your grievances, allow your partner and yourself a moment of silence and let the issues sink in. This will allow both parties to focus on the problem at hand and, at the same time, regain control over emotions. This interval can last a few minutes or even hours, depending on how ready you are to move on to the next step.
6.Apologize and come up with a solution. It does not matter who started the fight, the important thing is that both of you acknowledge your mistakes and apologize sincerely to one another. Being apologetic will allow both of you to mutually solve the conflict.
7.Learn from the problem but leave it in the past. Reconciliation should not end in an apology. Both you and your partner should learn from what happened and make it a point to leave it in the past. Do not dig up the problem after it has been resolved.
Fighting is a healthy part of every relationship. It helps both parties improve the relationship and grow as individuals.