Signs Your Cat May Be Planning To Kill You

-Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

-Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

-He actually *does* have your tongue.

-You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

-Cyanide paw prints all over the house.

-You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

-Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."

-You catch him with a new mohawk, looking in the mirror saying,
"Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me punk?"